Lead Your Life

Leadership, Awareness, and Growth

Mother Of The Moment Award March 18, 2016

Yesterday, I flat out forgot to take my kids to school.  Of course, there is a story behind this filled with hilarity and general confusion (all on my part), but the plain and simple fact is I went to work early & left my kids at home without a ride to school.

I’ve reached a point in my life where I think this is mostly funny with just a hint of self criticism.  However, I would not have felt the same 5 years ago.  It is in these moments that we witness our growth – if we open our eyes to see.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. You shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.”

Each of us is doing our best in each moment.  Our “best” in any moment is impacted by many things, but in that moment, it is our best.  When we snip at our husband in the evening after a long day of work, making dinner, and checking homework, we are doing our best in that moment.  I have never in my life – either in moments of shining or faltering – said to myself, “I would like to be terrible right now.”  I trust you haven’t either.

Be gentle with yourself.  Be forgiving.  Apologize when you need to.  Try again.  Learn from your experience.  Show up, do your best, and let it go.

I often suggest to people this simple question to enable them to look at how lovingly they treat themselves:  “If that voice in your head was coming from a friend, would you want to foster that friendship and spend more time with that person?”  When we criticize, judge, blame, and demoralize ourselves, we are missing the opportunity to practice lifting ourselves up, believing more fiercely in our possibilities, and experiencing radical self-acceptance.  We miss the chance to create lightness.  We miss the chance to embrace our humanness.

 

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I hope no one noticed…. March 14, 2016

Filed under: Uncategorized — laurajuarez @ 12:41 pm
  • …that I didn’t contribute as much as she did.
  • … that my comment was not as impactful as his.
  • … that I’m not as (fill in your story line).

Comparison is a fast path to misery.  It will leave you constantly judging your success relative to your perception of other people’s success.  Not their actual success – your perception of it.  It will make you hide so as not to be exposed, overcompensate, worry, and generally beat yourself up.

Have you held back in a meeting because you thought your comments might not be “smart enough?”  Have you compared your clothes, body, nose, sense of humor to your good friends?  Have you wanted to ask for clarification on a term you didn’t understand but didn’t because everyone else seemed to know it?  (The great irony being we actually choose to stay less educated because we didn’t want to LOOK less educated).

When we compare ourselves to others we give away our power and our truth.  We shatter our confidence and waste precious energy concealing ourselves from others.  Why this big concern for looking good?

I would argue everyone does this in some area or to some degree.  And a simple self-audit of 5 Why’s can help you uncover what’s in it for you.  How do the Five Why’s work?

Imagine you were in a meeting and you held back your contribution.

  • Why #1?  Because I didn’t have my thoughts organized and I wanted more time to plan my response.
  • Why #2?  Because I didn’t want to say something that wasn’t impactful.
  • Why #3?  Because everyone else had great thoughts, and I didn’t want to look unprepared.
  • Why #4?  Because people might think I wasn’t qualified.
  • Why #5?  (Which becomes a Why Does This Matter Question):  Because I am afraid that I am not as smart as the people around me.

Aha!  We found the core WHY – I’m not smart enough.   The second stage of the audit is to consider where this core belief shows up in your life (because how we do anything is how we do everything).  I promise that you will discover that these tiny limiting beliefs are wreaking havoc on your life.

Now what?  I’d love to say there’s an abracadabra that banishes this fear from your life, but the reality is it takes gritty, disciplined work to change these beliefs.  Often, we dragged them chained to our ankle from childhood, and they are deeply ingrained.  I can only tell you that freedom from the chain is possible and pays huge dividends to your success and to your happiness.

Once you know your limiting beliefs (or more bluntly, the lies we tell ourselves that hold us back), you can do something about it.  You can begin to confront it, rework it, evaluate it, and banish it by practicing a new way.  But it takes hard work.  It takes dropping comparison to others.  It takes stepping into the fire of fear and relearning through immersion a better way of life.